Tuesday Talks: How to Make the Move from Chat to Play

Tuesday Talks: How to Make the Move from Chat to Play | Episode 110

In this episode of The Swing Nation Podcast, the top-rated podcast about non-monogamy and swinging, Dan and Lacy answer a listener question about one of the most common moments couples face: how do you smoothly transition from normal “get to know you” conversation into play time?

Dan and Lacy share their most practical advice for reading the room, building comfort, and remembering that most of the time, everyone is there for the same reason — they may just be waiting for someone to make the first move. They also talk about how the more experienced couple can help lead the way and offer smooth, respectful ways to shift the vibe without making things awkward.

Whether you’re newer to the lifestyle or just want to feel more confident navigating that transition, this Tuesday Talks episode is full of real-world tips to help couples move from conversation to connection with confidence.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences over the age of eighteen. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe, interview the experts, learn and grow together. Join the nation.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Tuesday talks. Just do your questions to Dan and the next day. Tuesday talks. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note?

SPEAKER_01 1:07

That's perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your host, Northern Guy and Southern Girl. And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

We are. Talking Tuesday with Doug and Wacy. Y'all, we were at the sanctuary and everyone called him Doug.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

And everybody called you Wacey.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

They did. But it was the Doug made my heart happy.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Also, the one guy Wacey made my heart happy.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

The one guy was like, Dougie needs a Duggy. Do you remember him?

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Um, he had a super hot wife. He did. Everybody was hot, but that's for another day.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

That's for next week.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

But uh yeah, everybody, everybody loves Doug.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

And Wacey.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

It's so crazy what people like.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

We need a Doug and Wacey t-shirt, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Like a bobblehead?

SPEAKER_01 1:56

No, I'm like a merch, like a t-shirt. Like a bobblehead. What?

SPEAKER_02 2:00

Well, like almost like cartoon characters. That's what I mean. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Maybe, maybe.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

But yeah, uh it's so crazy what people like.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Dougie needs a Tuggy would be a funny t-shirt.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

That would be. Dougie does not need a Tuggy.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Yes, he does. He gets taken care of fairly well. Every day.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

You get one every day.

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Yeah, but I mean not always by me. Not by strangers, you know. Yeah, I get one from myself every day. That's the more accurate description of the events. Sometimes I do it.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Okay. Anyway, moving right along, we have this week's Tuesday talk.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

All right.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

It's it says we went to a couple's house for dinner and drinks. The first time was just to get to know them. The second time was to parallel play. They are new to the lifestyle. We all seem shy, and it's awkward moving from dinner to drinks to play, especially when we like the buildup of touching, kissing, etc., which they're not ready for. We really like them and they've expressed the same, but how do you manure the transition?

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Yeah, so this is probably one of the things we get asked about the most. And it is also one of the most difficult things in the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

We struggle with it.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

The transition. So what we're talking about is in this this transition happens. It doesn't matter if you go to somebody's house for dinner, or like they're saying, if you go to a club, if you're at uh on a bliss cruise, if you're at Hido, right? At some point in time, you have to go from socializing, whether that's in a pool, on a dance floor, at the dinner table, at a bar, having a drink, to playing, to fucking, to people getting naked and doing dirt, dirty things.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

And there is a vast way of doing that. You know, some people are pretty blunt. Some people are like, y'all ready to go fucked? Some people are a little bit more um subtle. Subtle. Uh so you have to kind of find your way through this. It's not always easy. We still struggle with it. Um, but the at the end of the day, we are all here for the same reason. We all want to fuck, or at least do some version of fucking, whether it be soft, parallel, whatever. You tell you can name it. But everybody wants to do something.

SPEAKER_01 4:21

I I agree. You know, and and and that's true. I think not everybody that goes to a swingers event, a swingers party, a resort on a bliss cruise necessarily wants to swap partners and they want to do something. But you're going to these events, you're going um, you know, to these swinger type parties because you have some kind of naughty fantasy, right? And you want to either witness or participate in that in some way, shape, or form. So I think that is an important like foundation that we should all just recognize. Like, like if we're here, it's because we're dirty, right? Like on some level. I think there's varying degrees of that. But if we're here, we're not coming here because we want to, you know, go to a knitting club.

SPEAKER_02 5:09

We're coming here because which I have to remind myself sometimes. Like sometimes I'll get very shy. And I'm like, it's really like I that's ridiculous. Yeah. You know, like I don't have to be. I mean, you also don't have, you know, you don't have to be blunt. You aren't, you don't have to be like, let's go fuck. There is probably more tactful ways to handle that. That you're still getting your point across and still making it happen without being so blunt. Um, for this example, like this question that they wrote, it seems like they're newer. It's like if you said you want to go fuck, it would probably freak them the fuck out. Right. You know? So, like for this scenario, I think something like a game would be the perfect way to transition. Um, you can there is all kinds of sex games. Like you could do Cards for Humanity. You, I mean, they have like swinger versions of a lot of these.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Bella and Jace, if you go to their website, they have a good um digital card game that has a lot of swinger-friendly type stuff.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

So it's on your phone, so you don't have to bring anything out. You can just very quickly pull it up. But there is there is lots of brands that have made types of these games over the years. And honestly, it's a great icebreaker. It's kind of that like you move, like let's say you are at dinner and you've had drinks and now it's time to go back. It's kind of hard to be like, okay, now we just so it's a kind of a fun way. Somebody pulls it up and you and you can choose how, like, especially Bella and Jace's game, you can choose how naughty you want to be. But it's you can, it's a lot of like asking questions, you know. So, like if you're not ready to make out or do stuff, it could be like tell me the naughtyest place you've had done something. It can be like it can start on that level and work your way up. And obviously, if a question is too much or too much, you you can pass it. Um, but there, I think that's a really good place to start. If you especially like house parties, something like that, like where it's a little bit more intimate. Obviously, that's kind of hard to do in like an orgy play space, but like definitely something that's more intimate. I think that's a good icebreaker.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

I would agree with that. Yeah. Uh yeah. So I think the card games are fun. But you know, listening to what they said though, is it almost sounded like this couple just wanted the parallel play and wasn't necessarily interested in like some of those things that would be on a card.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

But that you don't have to do those. You can ask questions. Like, where is the naughty? That's true. So you're having naughty conversations, but you're not doing anything.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Yeah, that might be the safe part. Yeah, because Bellas and Jay's game does have like the I don't even know how remember how they did it, but I can't remember. Green, yellow, red, or whatever. And the green cards are just naughty questions, where the red cards are like naughty tasks. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

So it's like make out with the person next to you. So, like, if you're not they're not ready for that, you start low and work your way up. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

That's a good, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_02 7:55

And you can also like go cards against humanity, that's not having you do um No, those are not, you know, so you're just asking questions or like, you know, almost like a would you rather type scenario? I think those are really good. Um, and I think like just to answer this as like a broad answer because not everybody is in this situation. Another really good uh practice that I think is awesome for places like clubs, cruises, resorts, is Dan and I have done this and we've seen people do this. Uh, like let's say we're dancing with a couple and we're really vibing. We could be like, hey guys, we're going to go and rinse off and shower and refill our drinks, and then we're gonna go to the playroom. And if if that's something that y'all are interested in, you're more than welcome to meet us in there. And if not, that's totally fine. No harm, no harm feelings. We'll we'll catch you next time. I think that's like a really good way of.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

Yeah, you guys talk it over and you decide.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

It basically means do you want to fuck? Right. Without being so crooked. Without saying, do you want to fuck? You know, that gives them an opportunity to step away, have a conversation.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

You're not standing over them, waiting on them to make a decision.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Yeah, and then you just go in the playroom and then you begin playing with your partner. And if they show up, great. If they don't, that's also great too. So that's it.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

And that's that is my standard move now, is that that's what I've transitioned to. And I I think that is a very good way of doing it. Like you're saying, on a Bliss Cruise at HEDO at a club. Now, if you're in their house, you can't exactly Yeah, that's a different different situation. But I think in most public settings, that's that's the way to go. And honestly, for us, we know that if we go to a playroom, just me and you, we're gonna have fun no matter what. So then giving a couple or maybe even a couple couples an option of, hey, this is what we're doing. And even if we invite a couple couples, it might be, hey, we're going to the playroom. We invited a few friends. Maybe we even say, like, hey, we invited, you know, Susie and Emily and Jackie, or you know, whoever, whoever.

SPEAKER_02 9:56

All girls, of course. Well, no, I mean I'm just picking with you.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

I'm just I'm saying randomness.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

I was picking on you.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Or we just tell them who we invited and say, if you guys want to join us too, this is where we'll, you know, we're gonna be, we're gonna try to get the orgy bed in the solarium on Bliss Cruise, for example. Or, you know, we'll be on the the attorney bed in the middle on the secrets, you know, and we just kind of put that out there. Or we're going to room 422. Uh, you know, if you guys come knock on the door if you wanna if you want to join us. Uh, and like you said, that gives them the time to talk it over away from people, there's no pressure, and they can make a decision one of the whether they want to do it or not. Um so that works good in that situation. But this is in this situation where you're already in somebody's house.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

I was just answering it for like the general. I think we gave this person a good opportunity to like of how do like the game. And I also think like when you're in someone's home, you almost have to be a little bit more of a friend. Like, we're interested in exploring this further. If you how do y'all feel? You know, I think you have to do something like that. I was just answering it for like the the the bigger group that was listening.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

Yeah, and I think in this so uh in this situation, being specific to their their scenario, I think a way I might do it is what you were saying, playing the card games and stuff like that and getting things kind of going. And then when you feel like things are kind of going, if you're the experienced couple and this is a new couple, maybe you could say something like, Hey, we're ready to fuck. Like, we'll go over here on the couch and fuck. You guys can either just watch or hey, we're ready to fuck. We're gonna go to our room and fuck. If you guys want to watch us, you can come to the room and and watch, or you know, you can play if you want to play beside us, that's cool, you know, and kind of like talk it over.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Well, I think the experienced couple almost has to be like a mentor in this situation. And I think it's just like for instance, we just had friends that did this um in Salt Lake City. You know, they said, Hey, we're gonna go with our friends and have an orgy. Y'all are welcome to come and um You could just watch if you want to just watch it, or we could soft swap, or we could parallel play, or we could do 100% whatever you're comfortable with, or you could not come, but you're welcome to be there if you'd like to come. And then that couple decided to come. They laid it out exactly what they wanted. We announced it in the room so that way everybody was respectful of their boundaries. So I do think that if you're the more experienced couple, you almost have to take that role for them because they are new and they don't know that yet.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah, and that's such but that's such a good way of doing it, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:30

And you can use that exact same scenario at your home, at a house party, at a club, at you can wherever it is.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

Yeah, you could say, like, we're turned up and we're ready to fuck. Would you guys like to just watch us? Or if you guys want to play on the bed beside us, you can do that. Or, you know, do you guys want to do maybe some some soft swapping, some just touching? You just got you guys let us know what you want to do, but we're we're ready and and and willing to participate as much or as little as you want and kind of let them go at their own pace. And I think that is a hundred percent the way to do it.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Yeah. So I think like just to sum all this up, the truth is you're gonna have to communicate. Yeah, we say this in almost every single episode of anything that we do. You're gonna have to talk to people, and it is it's crazy how we all know we're there for the same reason, but it still makes it a hard conversation, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

It is don't do what Dan does. And as soon as you walk into the room, start getting naked, yeah, and then start taking a Viagra, and they look at you like, What? Like, what are you doing? Yeah, I have jumped the gun on assuming people were ready when they weren't ready before.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Yeah, and I've had to reel him back in.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Yeah, yeah. But uh, even that, you know, it was fine. I never would do something without people, you know, being ready. But sometimes I'm like, oh, we're going back to the room. We must be fucking. Yeah. And I just start doing my thing I'd normally do.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

So, but basically, you're just gonna have to talk to people. And if it's a a situation where maybe you know, maybe they just need a little bit of encouragement, like they want to do it, but they're a little like something like a game or something could be a fun icebreaker. But ultimately, you just need to talk to each other.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Well, I don't even think that like, hey, we we won't we're gonna fuck if you guys want to just watch us, you know what I mean? And then that way, yeah, it kind of lets them go at their own pace. It's not much different than when we talk, you know, when there's life when a couple is entering the lifestyle, we say you always play down to whoever is the least comfortable in it going into it. This is kind of the same thing. When you're with another couple, you play down and let that couple kind of determine where and when they and how they want to engage. Just kind of like what you would do with your own partner if if you were kind of introducing them to this. And I love seeing it. I love seeing new couples um enter the space. I love seeing new couples enter the space and then the community kind of like takes care of them, wrapping their arms around them and protecting them and making sure they're they're comfortable and they're safe. Um, just kind of like what you said that happened at the sanctuary last weekend. Um it just gives me a lot of hope and it gives me it makes it gives me pride to see people doing the right thing and treating people with respect and making sure they're comfortable around.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

It's almost like conversion with your partner when you see another couple that is new and you see them like flourish and do well and have fun and have all these experiences, it almost like brings you the warmth that scenes.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

For sure. Because the opposite of that is people getting in fights and being pissed off and you know, people getting divorced, right? So like in if if anything in this community doing things the right way is so important. And you know, we talk about all the time. One bad experience, a couple going to a club and having one bad experience might be the difference between them entering into the lifestyle and having a long, loving, fulfilled marriage and lifestyle and them never trying this again, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:44

So that's a lot of responsibility, you know, for somebody.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

I think it's a I think there is a lot of responsibility on this community to make sure that they introduce people to this community in the right way. Yeah. And I really think that is it's on everybody to do that. You know what I mean? It's because uh it's no one person can do it for everybody. Agreed. Uh all right. Anything else for the Swing Nation listeners? No. If you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you. We could actually use some more.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Uh, we were just going through them to get ready for this episode, and we we could use some more.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

We could.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Uh okay, so a few ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswing nation at gmail.com, theswing nation at gmail. Uh, and you can send us an audio file uh to that email, or you can send us a video file. I'm still waiting for the first video that I get to put up on my TV.

SPEAKER_02 16:39

We might have to get Nick to do one for us.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

And listen to. So if you are somebody that's okay with being publicly shown, uh, maybe you're one of our friends that listened to the podcast, email us a video with a question so that I can I can do that. I wanna I wanna have that experience and see what it what it's like. Uh or you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

I guess you you could text us an uh audio or a video file as well, right? You could text us. Whatever you wanted to do. And we could get your question that way. But we'd love to hear from you. If you've been thinking about calling or texting in, please do so. Uh, Tuesday talk is not possible without you, right? We need we need your questions. So please, please do that. All right. Anything else for the swing nation listeners, Lacey? All right, guys. I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twitter content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at thustwination at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to thustwingnation.net and keep up to date on all things TwingNation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.