Tuesday Talks: Finding Your Full Swap Couple

Tuesday Talks: Finding Your Full Swap Couple  | Episode 113

In this Tuesday Talks episode, Dan and Lacy answer a listener who says he and his wife have yet to experience a full swap because they struggle to find couples where everyone feels equally matched and attracted to both partners. They thought they may have found the right couple, but after getting to know the woman more, he realized he wasn’t attracted to her personality — while his wife is still very interested in playing with the husband.

Dan and Lacy share their perspective on whether the listener may be putting too much pressure on finding the “perfect” couple. They explain that full swapping doesn’t have to feel like choosing lifelong partners — sometimes it’s about chemistry, fun, openness, and enjoying the experience for what it is. They talk through how to manage expectations, avoid overthinking every detail, and decide when it may be worth giving a connection a chance instead of waiting for everything to line up perfectly.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts. Learn and grow together. Join the nation.

SPEAKER_02 0:50

Tuesday talks. Just do your questions to Dan and Lake Day. Tuesday talks. Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note?

SPEAKER_01 1:07

That's perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl. And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks. Yeah. With Dan and Wacy. Doug and Wait.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Doogie, doogie, doogie.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Dougie's better than Doug. Doogie Doogie.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Dougie needs a Dougie.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

Okay, so let's jump right in. It says I love how you just ignore me. Yeah, just it's kind of a long way. And I can't I don't have time to deal with your bullshit. It says, Hi Dana Lacey. We are Henry and Julia, mid-40s, been married for 26 years from California. We've been congratulations. Yes. We've been in the lifestyle for a little over three years now, and my wife and I have mostly parallel played and some soft swap type play. Julia is mainly attracted in just females, and her preferred style of play, up until recently, she talked about wanting to try a full swap. The couple she's interested in is a good-looking couple. I just don't find the woman sexually attractive. Now, she's very pretty. She has a beautiful breast, a delicious ass, but getting to know her, I just don't find her attractive anymore. Now, I'd love to find a couple to full swap for the first time. But the problem out here in SoCal is there's a lot of mismatched couples. One of the partners does not compliment the other. And since we do not play separately, it makes finding a four-way connection almost impossible. And this was my first male, this was the first male that she showed interest in. Most of the men are just not in any type of shape or they just don't carry themselves well. So they so their wives are hot. Okay, they don't carry themselves well, but their wives are hot. So when I see an attractive woman, she's usually tethered to a man who is in not is not so it makes finding a couple difficult. I'm no 10 by 10, 10 out of 10 myself, but I also put in effort to look good for my partner. I eat well, I work out, I'm well groomed, not sloppy. We both love would love a memorable first swap. We both love your show, and the idea of playing in an orgy would solve that. But out here, the orgy is almost non-existent at parties. I know my town is the hotspot for the lifestyle, so you'd figure there would be more couples that take care of themselves without someone having to take one for the team. I hope I'm not being harsh. It's just hard to wait to find a four a couple with a four-way connection. Thank you, and I hope this wasn't too long. Thank you for all you do to educate and inspire others. Have a great day, Hank and Julie.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Hank and Julie. Yeah. All right. So it sounds like Hank and Julie have been a soft swap slash at a female plus one couple for a while. And now Julie is wanting to try some dick. Um, and they're struggling to do that because it's hard out there.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

And it's hard to find a four-way mutual connection.

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:09

Now it sounds like Julie has found that with this couple friend of theirs. Yeah. But it sounds like Hank's now saying he's not into the girl, even though she's hot.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

She's hot. So obviously it must be her personality that's turning him off. Which I mean is fair.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Did they play with her before though?

SPEAKER_00 4:28

Not not full swap. They might have saw swap or something. Yeah. But they've never full swapped with this couple. They never full swapped. Period.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Um I wonder, and this is this is this is Dan taking a little bit of a leap. I wonder if he's just saying he's not attracted to her because he's maybe a little intimidated by the idea of a full swap.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

Wait, do you think he would road into us if that was the case?

SPEAKER_01 4:55

I don't know. I don't know. I would say, here's so here's my thing, right? I would say, one, you need to open up your your limit. Don't be so picky.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

Yeah, and that was gonna be my thing. So I I want to talk this. You know, when we first were swapping and doing all this, it was like I needed to find the person that almost was like Dan 2.0, you know, that like because we all the time they're like, what is your type? You know, like when they asked you in the lifestyle. What I have found is that people that aren't typically my type, you know, on paper, they don't look a certain way, they don't act a certain way, but I still have like a pretty good, you know, like I there's gotta be something there, right? We're not gonna force something that doesn't happen.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

You need a vibe. But is if I have I feel like the word vibe gets thrown around around way too much, but I don't know how else to describe it, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:48

But once I've opened myself up to people outside of that stereotypical my type version that I've created in my head, I've had way better sex and way better experiences. More of more. Yeah, a lot, a lot of fun experiences. And in this case, she's this girl that he's talking about seems beautiful, seems like she's got a good ass, got good tits. Something in there is not she's not like maybe she's nine out of ten. Yeah, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

That sounds great to me.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Honestly, a nine out of a 10 in the lifestyle is pretty fucking good.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Listen, if you're above a six out of 10, go for it. Like that's you're good to go. If you're both registering above a six out of ten, that is the couple for you.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Yeah. You don't, and I listen, we have different play styles than any than other people. So if this doesn't resonate with you, then that is okay. You can you can do things differently than us, and two things can be true at the same time, you know. But for us, we're not trying to find like our next partner or our next, you know, home run. We're we're just trying to have a good night.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

And if you can't looking to bring you home to my mom, I really don't care about how financially responsible you are. I don't, none of those things.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

We really don't get none of that stuff. As long as we can have a fun, hot night, safe, safely safely, everybody's there's consent, everybody's happy, everybody came, all things are good. That is a successful night. And if you found a woman that your your husband, her, your wife is attracted to the husband, and this woman you're saying is beautiful, she's got a good ass, got good tits, got all that to me sounds like a win-win. Also, think that a lot of times on your first swap, you overthink it. Oh, yeah, or you want it to be some sometimes in this case, like you've been doing this for three years, sometimes it's time to rip that band-aid off. We know we talk about baby steps and don't jumping into the deep end. There, there isn't, there is an opposite of that. You could go too slow and you could overthink and you can make it way more complicated.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Well, here's the thing it's never gonna be perfect.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

No, it's never gonna be no experience is it's not supposed to be because it's not your spouse, right? It's not you're not replacing what you already have, so it's not supposed to be like fireworks and like swans jump up and like the seas part and the sky comes, the sun comes. It's not supposed to be that, right? It's just a hot sex, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:06

You know, just a few extra dicks, a couple extra vaginas, a few extra holes, and you know, things that you can't do with at home with your partner that you want to explore that you think is hot. Yeah, that's what we're here for. Yeah, it's just to have a good time.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

So if you want my opinion, I say fuck this couple.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

I say fuck this couple as well. All right, what about the bigger issue of mismatch couples in the lifestyle? That's good. Which he is the kind of the second half of his paragraph there.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

That's very true. That's why some couples like play with singles. So in for instance, in the you play together. So in this case, you would bring in a single guy to fuck your wife, or a single girl to fuck you, or a couple that maybe they don't have that boundary that they can play separately. Um, you know, single guys get a lot of shit in the lifestyle. But the truth is a lot of couples go that route and use them for this very reason. So I definitely feel like there is a place for single males.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

And um, and this is one of the reasons why and I would even say, like, throw your wife a bone here. Like, if you're if you know what I mean, like, and I don't know, it sounds like maybe they've been playing with girls for a couple of years now, right? If she's wanting to get dicked down, go find her some fucking stud on one of these dating sites and let her get dicked down. Like, she deserves that.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

You know, I mean, well, like this is the first guy that she's paid interest in. And that's why I wonder if this is and she might need she might be the type of woman that needs a little bit more. You know, she can't just you can't just bring a single guy in to dick her down and leave. So for this first time, she might need somebody that she feels safe with. She feels safe with feels a connection with. And in that, if that's the case, you might have to just like not take one for the team because it sounds like the wife is hot. So that's not really taking one for the team, it's more of like being a good husband, yeah. And putting maybe your like a little bit of your emotions on the back burner so your wife can have this experience. And I if I was a betting woman, I would bet that after this first experience, it will make you open up to a lot more. I think you'll realize, I think you'll put less pressure on the of what it all looks like, and it'll be a little bit easier.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Yeah, I don't I don't think it has to be um perfect. Uh I also think most men probably have a wider range of women that they're open to than um women do. I think men are generally generally speaking open to more. Now we have met couples where the men are very, very selective and and the women are more open. Not so maybe that could be you in this case. Uh, but for the most part, I think the men are more open. And so in that situation, you know, Lacey a lot of times takes the lead. And in most couples, I would say that are in the lifestyle, the woman kind of takes the lead on selecting potential partners, and then the husband kind of just happy to be there. Happy to be there, or sometimes, you know, might come in at the like, oh, you're into them. Uh no, baby, that's a hard no for me. Oh, you're into them. Yeah, that's I'll do that's fine. Yeah. Uh and like like the caller was saying, we find there's a lot more attractive women in this lifestyle than there are men. Yeah. So it's not a good thing. If your wife finds something she's wanting to connect with, you know, that's hard to find. So, you know, you being a little more open to his, you know, wife is probably gonna help you.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

But you're you're not wrong. They're definitely uh that is a common thing in the lifestyle where the husband and wife don't match. Um, I will say that you're asking how to handle that or what to do. I will say that it depends on where you go. So you might need to travel. You, you know, there's certain if you're out west, go to Salt Lake City.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

I'll tell you what, uh, they're all beautiful there.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

Um you you might have to find a scene that better matches your vibe, you know. Um that might mean you have to get on a plane and go to that. That might mean you don't get to play as often as you like. But if you get a better crop of people that fit your what you're looking for, that might be worth doing. You know, you might be like a desire person that maybe you find better couples there, or it does. I don't know. You just you might have you you're gonna have to put a little bit more work in. If you're gonna be picky and you're gonna be, you know, like this, you might just have to do that. And that's okay. That's not bad. I think that having standards and having you know things that you require is totally okay, but you just need to know that going in.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

I agree.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Or you might have to make yourself a friend group. You know, you might have to be a leader of a friend group. You might have to, you know, once you find a hot couple that you make a four-way connection, you hold on to them and then you say, Hey guys, let's go here this weekend, and then you and then you bring all your friends, and then you have those couples there that you're all attracted to.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

So you've well that's how you build community. Yeah, that's how now me and Lacey can all go to almost any event and have 10 couples that we know we vibe with, is because we've built our friend group. It started with one, and then we found another couple that fit good, and then there are another couple, and then our friends found a couple, and then those friends, friends found a couple, and now all of a sudden, you know, there's 20, 30 of us everywhere we go that we know we connect, we know we vibe. Uh, and that that's how you kind of to put those pieces together. And I think everybody in the lifestyle that should be your goal. If you really want to enjoy this lifestyle, having a good core group of friends that you know you can connect with, that you know you can explore with, that you know you can kind of feel safe with, yeah. That that's the magic. It's really hard to do it in one night at the club. It's really hard to do it in one weekend at a at a resort. Um, but if you build those relationships over time, man, the endless possibilities of exploration uh becomes reality.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:41

Uh all right. Anything else? Any other advice for this couple?

SPEAKER_00 13:45

No, I hope it works out.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Um open up to more possibilities. Maybe go find her a single dude and just you know I'm gonna be honest.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

A dad bot usually fucks me better than a guy with a six pack. You would be surprised. You would be surprised how um some people that you maybe wouldn't immediately give credit or give stock to, you know, then you get to know them and they're funny and they're good time, and then they fuck the shit out. You they're usually the better time than the person that that like you would imagine.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Yeah, and like let's be honest, a mediocre threesome or foursome still a pretty good day. You know what I mean? Like there's there's been out of all the connections in all the sex we've had over the last 10 years, how many times did you walk away and be like, I wish I didn't do that?

SPEAKER_00 14:31

Never.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Maybe once or twice, yeah, right? Maybe once or twice. Yeah, maybe once or twice. You know, there's probably been a few, but in 10 years, we're saying there's been a few. And we've had lots of connections, lots of sex over the last 10 years. So what I'm saying is the odds are in your favor, because even if it isn't the best sex, or even if it isn't like, oh my god, mind blowing, it's still a good time. So why not do it?

SPEAKER_02 14:53

Yeah, what are you waiting for? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Um, so get out there, make some connections, open up your mind to more possibilities. Don't be so gosh darn picky. Uh I stopped myself from swearing there. Yeah. And have a good time. That's what it's all about. That's what we're here for. That's what we're doing. So uh uh get out there and do it. Yeah. All right. If you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you. There's a few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswingnation at gmail.com. The swing nation, all one word at gmail.com, or you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Uh, and we would love to hear from you. Call us, text us, shoot us a uh uh voice note, uh audio recordings, shoot us a video, and we'll put you up on the big screen here and have you run it here in the podcast studio with us. Make sure you're okay being public because this does get put on YouTube. Uh, but we would love, we would love to hear from you. We'd love to your questions. Tuesday talk cannot happen without your questions. So do your duty, help the community. If you have a question, I bet some of our listeners are wondering the same thing. So please reach out to us uh with your questions. Yes. All right, anything else for the Swing Nation listeners, Lacey? That's it. All right, guys. I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Bye.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twinger content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at thustwingation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to thustwingnation.net and keep up to date on all things Twing Nation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.