Tuesday Talks: When It's Time to Move On

Tuesday Talks: When It's Time to Move On| Episode 116

In this week’s Tuesday Talks, Dan and Lacy respond to a listener question from a couple who thought they had found a great match for a full swap—until their first attempt took an uncomfortable turn. When the male half of the other couple was unable to perform, it led to an argument between him and his wife, leaving the listeners feeling like they had seen a major red flag and decided to step away.

Since then, they have considered giving the connection another chance, but the other couple has repeatedly become too intoxicated when they make plans. Now they are wondering: Is it time to cut their losses and move on?

Dan and Lacy share their honest perspective on recognizing compatibility issues, respecting your own boundaries, and knowing when a situation may bring more stress than fun. They also normalize something that happens more often than people talk about in the lifestyle: performance anxiety and difficulty performing in new, high-pressure situations. The key is not whether it happens—it is how everyone handles it.

Tune in for a thoughtful conversation about red flags, communication, alcohol, grace, and protecting the kind of experiences you want to have in the lifestyle.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts. Learn and grow together. Join the nation.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Just do your questions to Dan and Fix Day. Tuesday talks. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_02 1:01

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. Ooh, how about that high note?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

That's perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your hosts, Northern Guy and Southern Girl.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks with Doug and Wacy. Your favorite lifestyle couple. That's giving you headlies on things about the lifestyle.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Is the goal just to make it as weird and awkward as possible?

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Are you embarrassed? Are you embarrassed by me? That was that was like uh um from the heart. Like that was like touching, like I'm putting my heart and soul into this podcast episode. Okay. And you're just over here making fun of me.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

I didn't say anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Your face said everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Well, okay, so moving right along, we have uh another Tuesday talk. It's a little long. He also didn't say if I could say their name, so I'm gonna change them just to be on the safe side.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Make them fake names.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

What should they be?

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Uh I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

Steve and Mary.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Steve and Mary. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Hi, Dan and Lacey. We are Steve and Mary. We just booked our first Bliss Cruise in February. We hope to meet you in person. We are fairly new to the lifestyle, about five months, and have had three sums parallel play at some soft swap. We recently became pretty close with a couple that has been in the lifestyle for over 12 years, and we met them at the club. They have been amazing and we have all got along great. We've played in the same room. We've even had light makeout sessions with each other's partners. Recently, we brought up the idea of trying a full swap. We told them we were open to the idea and that we needed to discuss it further as a couple. Steve? Is that what I said?

SPEAKER_00 2:44

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Okay, Steve. We'll just say Steve. And I came to the conclusion that we both felt safe and liked them enough to give it a shot. We messaged them and they let them know the good news. We all decided to meet at the club the following weekend, have some drinks, dance, and then go play. The night was going great, but they both began drinking heavily. At some point, we decided to go all play. My husband and I started with Oral. Within a couple of minutes, we noticed the other couple was having some sort of heated discussion. It was so awkward and such a mood killer that we decided to walk away and let them sort it out. We eventually found out that he was having some trouble performing. So she got upset. They later apologized for the behavior and since they have suggested we try playing again. We like them, so we gave them another chance. But every time we attempted to play something either sorry, but every time we attempted to start playing, neither of them can control their drinking to the point that it's a turnoff. Because they get sloppy, we've had to end the session before we even got started. Our question is since it's so difficult to find four people where everyone vibes, should we attempt to have the conversation with them? Or should we cut our losses and move on? Or maybe we should wait till February for you guys to pop our full swap cherry lol.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Well, I mean, obviously the answer here is wait till February. I mean, I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Yeah, they're they're a cute couple.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

I don't, I mean, all right.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

They're a very cute couple.

SPEAKER_00 4:04

All right, if you have a Tuesday talk question, you can read No, no.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

No, so I think you did everything. This couple did everything right, and it's time to cut your losses. Simple, short, sweet, cut your losses.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Okay, so I have a few thoughts on what she said, right? Okay, first thought giving this other couple benefit of the doubt, not being able to perform is a very, very normal thing in the lifestyle. Just let me get this. I I know what you're gonna say, but let me just get this thought out first, right? So giving them a benefit of the doubt, it is very, very normal. If you were somebody that's entering the lifestyle space and you're starting to swap for the first time and you're having your first experiences, somebody not being able to get a heart on is completely normal. It happens half of the time we end up in a playroom with somebody. Correct. Yeah. So don't feel bad. It's not weird, it happens.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

I don't think they feel bad.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Right. Yeah. Okay, that was my point, though. Right? So it's not, it's not a you thing, it's not uh, they're not attracted to you guys, it's not a maybe, you know.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

It's a very common issue.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Right. So now I'm gonna let you because you have a lot to say. And I think it's the same things I have to say. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_02 5:13

My issue with is that the lady said that she got mad at him because he couldn't perform. Red flag. Well, well, the first red flag is the drinking. Listen, I am not opposed to have a drink to kind of knock off some nerves, or even a few drinks. And this couple's been last time for 12 years. So, you know, especially when you're new, a lot of people overdrink because they are so fucking nervous. You know, this is a seasoned couple, so they know better. So that is my first red flag. The second red flag is the wife should never be mad at her husband because he cannot perform. Ever. She should be his biggest cheerleader and his bigger, biggest supporter. The fact that she openly admitted that she was upset with him because he's visibly upset. That is a huge red flag. You know, then my third red flag. So kudos to y'all for seeing those red flags and obviously acknowledging them, but then going back because listen, everybody has an off night. You know, I can't say that I haven't ever given off red flags, you know, or I haven't ever fucked up. Everybody deserves a second chance. And that was very nice of y'all to go back to them and be like, Hey, you want to try again? But the fact that they then heavily drank again and you've had to call it quits again, it sounds like maybe even multiple more times. I feel like y'all have done everything that you were supposed to, and this might just not be your couple because 12 years is enough time for them to know better. It's enough time for them to realize that you cannot overdrink. It's enough time for him to get some ED medication or trimex or whatever he needs to get hard. It's enough time for her to know as his wife, she should not treat her husband like that. This has disaster red flag written all over it. And if I were you, you seem like a lovely couple. It seems like you're doing everything right. Cut your losses and find someone else. Now, if that's us, great. If it's not, that's a deal, you know. But I this is not your typical situation. Does shit happen in the lifestyle? Yes. All of this shit, it's too much.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

No, I it shouldn't be this hard. Everything you just said, I was exactly what I was gonna say. I think the first problem is her getting upset or yelling at, or whatever her husband in front of people. If you ever see a couple and and they're in the male half is struggling, or even if the female half is struggling, you know, for whatever reason, and the other partner gets upset, like visibly. So basically, what I'm hearing here is she was trying to get dick down, and now she's mad at her husband because he ruined her opportunity to get dick down, right? That's toxic.

SPEAKER_02 7:48

That's not somebody you want to give that to, you know, like especially your first time.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

This is gonna be we have seen those couples, we've experienced those couples. Those are not the couples you want to be engaged with.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Your first time, you want it to be fun, and listen, I get finding a four-way connection is hard, and I'm not trying to discredit that. I totally get that, but this doesn't seem like a healthy swap. Sometimes you just like listen, we have flirted and wanted to hook up with some of like the hottest people that we vibe with, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses, like it's just not gonna happen, you know?

SPEAKER_00 8:19

Yeah, and then the repeatedly getting overly indulged in alcohol. I don't want to judge this too much. Lacey repeatedly gets overindulged in alcohol, but usually when that happens, we either don't play or we play with close friends, right? Not not somebody. Lacey doesn't overindulge in alcohol and then play with somebody for the first time.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

No, I would never even be like remotely tipsy and play with a new person. You know, I would Well, that's probably not true.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

It's probably happened before on Bliss Cruise or Hito or sometime when you've been remotely tipsy and played with somebody, but I might have been feeling good, but I wouldn't engage with someone new. No, it's a general rule if Lacey's gonna engage, especially if she's drank, especially you know, to the point where she's it's clear that she's impaired by alcohol, that's we're would only ever play with each other or close friends of ours.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

Yeah, and even that, usually, okay, so by usually by the time we play, we've been back to our room, we've showered, we've changed, we I've you know pre-put on lotion like and then then we have to walk back. So usually you're talking like 30, 45 minutes in between, like I'm not drinking on the way to the playroom. So even if I'm like a little, maybe a little tipsy leaving the play the club, by the time we actually get to engaging, it's been an hour, probably. So I'm not like I'm not stumbling, I'm not falling over. So if that and I do get in the club, that's a little bit different because you're going straight from the dance form to to play. But yeah, I I just I again I agree. I don't think we should judge people that it partake, but there's a very fine line. Yeah, like we've we've had people that we really wanted to fuck and they were way too drunk, and we've I've probably told multiple women no.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

Yeah, and not because I didn't want to fuck them, I just felt like they were not in a place to consent.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

And uh you know even though their husbands were in a place and were very much encouraged.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Some of the time the husband was asking me, like, oh no, please fuck her. She we talked about it earlier. She's she's fine with it. She's no it's like she's clearly not. I can't. I need to be able to look her in the eyes and know that that she's making that decision. Yeah, she can't do that right now. So no.

SPEAKER_02 10:19

So to sum it all up, you seem like a very lovely couple.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

Well, we're only nine minutes in.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

Well, I mean, okay, let's keep going.

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Well, no, I was gonna say, I don't know if we should sum it up quite yet, but no, I agree. I agree with what you're saying. I think they are a lovely couple. It seems like they've given this couple multiple opportunities now to do the right thing. Uh, it sounds like they've failed on every occasion. Um, I think for me, the biggest issue is the the consistently overindulging before play. It that seems like that just might be who they are.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

Uh they might just be heavy drinkers.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Yeah. And if you're not, you know, they said what to the point where it was a turnoff for them, right? Like, so if that's the case, it's probably not a match for you. It's probably is time time to move on and look for somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

Um, and I don't know, it's hard, right? Because like you you said, uh the four-way connection is the hardest part. Right. It doesn't sound like they really have a four-way connection if this is the problems they're having.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Yeah, I think y'all are a cute enough couple that you'll be able to find another four-way connection. You'll be able to find something else. And I would rather see you do it right than if you've already got a bad taste in your mouth, it's just I don't think the sex is gonna be what you think it's gonna be. I'd rather you wait and kind of find somebody that's a little bit better suited.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Yeah, it sounds like maybe the wife of the other couple is pushing for, I don't know, like her to get visibly upset because he couldn't perform in a swatch.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

How could she just be a bitch?

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Yeah, yeah. I mean, how many times have we seen this? Is ladies, if your man is struggling to perform, help him. Don't point that out, don't embarrass him, don't like make a scene in front of people because of that.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

If you think he's gonna get hard after that, uh-huh. Don't talk about you know, we've seen girls talk about dick sizes before, like be like We've seen some women be pretty damn mean about their husbands, you know, pretty tear them apart, you know. And if in playrooms, like sad, yeah. We should be our our husband's biggest supporter. And if you're not, I would probably re-evaluate what what you're here for, why you're doing this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Yeah. And if you are somebody that's engaging with those types of couples, I would I agree that that's probably one of the big I people treating their partners badly is probably the biggest red flag that you'll experience, right? If you see somebody treating their spouse or partner poorly, that is not a stable relationship that you want to attach yourself to in any way, shape, or form. Uh, it's probably a disaster waiting to happen. And so I would steer clear of it so that you don't get hit with the rubble when it falls apart. Yeah. Um and and find somebody else.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Yeah. And as you've been doing this longer, you'll be easy, you know, you'll pick that stuff out, you know, and then you'll just be like, okay, yeah, we're not, it's not worth our time. I'd rather just go over here.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

I'd rather just fuck you and not have to deal with the drama than then that's well, and I heard that they they've engaged with singles before, it sounded like so. Like, I've done threesome. Keep doing threesomes like until you can find the right people come along. Uh, because the the four-way connection is hard. It is hard. But uh I just force it.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Yeah, I don't think it's worth doing something like this, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

All right. That answers that question, right? Yeah. Anything else for the swing nation listeners? I think that's it. Uh, if you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

We could use some. Lacey was just digging kind of deep for this.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

I did go to emails because we just didn't have enough texts and stuff. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

So if you have a question, there's a few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswing nation at gmail.com. Please put Tuesday talk in the subject line so we can find it easy. Uh, or you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

You can send us a text, you can leave a voicemail, you can send us a video. We're still waiting for our first video calls. Uh, but we'd love to give us your scenario, give us your questions. Uh, we are open, it's kind of like an ask me anything, right? Like we've kind of been on this uh the last couple have been like lifestyle, like this happened, what should I do? kind of questions, which is good. Uh, pretty good. I like I enjoy those. I think people like hearing other people's stories because what we've learned, if anything on this podcast, when we tell a story, there's so many people that are like, oh my god, we had that same exact thing, or oh, that's so relatable because of this. And so if you've had an experience that went bad, or an experience that you know maybe you're questioning whether you should have or should not have done something, yeah. I promise you there are probably thousands of people that have had similar experiences or are questioning that same thing.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Yeah, no, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

So please don't be afraid to reach out and ask your questions.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Yeah, no, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

All right, Delacey. Anything else for the Swing Nation listeners?

SPEAKER_02 15:09

No, I think that's it.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

All right, guys, I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twinger content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at thustwingation at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to thustwingnation.net and keep up to date on all things TwingNation. We thank you so much for joining us, and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.