Tuesday Talks: How to Check In During Play

Tuesday Talks: How to Check In During Play | Episode 123

In this episode of Tuesday Talks, a couple writes in with a struggle many couples can probably relate to: how do you check in with your partner during play without completely interrupting the moment? They want to know if Dan and Lacy use code words, signals, or other ways to make sure they’re both still comfortable and having a good time. Dan and Lacy share how they communicate during play, why checking in doesn’t have to kill the vibe, and their advice for couples who want to feel more connected and secure while still staying present in the moment.

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_02 0:00

This podcast is intended for adult audiences. Over the age of 18. It contains adult language and situations. The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in this podcast belong solely to us, and not of any employer, organization, committee, or other group or individuals. This podcast is not intended to be taken as professional advice.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Welcome to the Swing Nation Podcast, a podcast by swingers for swingers, where we look to educate others and push back on the negative stigmas and misconceptions associated with our lifestyle. Come with us and share our pineapple journey as we travel the globe. Interview the experts. Learn and grow together. Join the nation.

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Tuesday talks. Just send your questions to Dan and Lake said. Tuesday talks. Swing Nation got you feeling sexy. Tuesday talks.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

Talking Tuesday with Dan and Lacey. How about that high note?

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Perfect. Hey there, pineapple people, and welcome to the Swing Nation podcast. We are your host, Northern Guy.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

And Southern Girl.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

And we are back with another rendition of Tuesday Talks.

SPEAKER_04 1:19

Talking Tuesday. With Dan and Lacey. Talking Tuesday. I thought it is. It is a jingle. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Uh okay. You have this week's question. Yeah. What do you got for me?

SPEAKER_04 1:37

Um, hi Dan and Lacey. My wife and I realize that there's one area of the lifestyle that has caught us off guard a few times because we never intentionally build a process around it. Sometimes imbalances naturally happen during play. Performance issues, mismatch, enthusiasm, one person not clicking with another, or one partner simply ending up significantly more attentive with significantly more attention or connection than the other. None of that is necessarily anyone's fault, but it can leave one partner feeling disconnected or emotionally alone in the moment. It made us realize we don't have a good system for communicating I need you without interrupting the flow and making a scene. Do you two have a discrete way to communicate during play when one of you needs reconnection or isn't feeling emotionally safe anymore? Is it a code word, a signal stepping away together, or something else? And once a signal is given, what does your check-in actually look like before returning to play?

SPEAKER_01 2:36

That's a great question.

SPEAKER_04 2:38

It is. I feel like we've answered this kind of in different ways. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Uh so I yes, we have, I think, talked about code words and signals and how to, you know, discreetly say, like, yeah, I want to fuck this person, or no, I don't want to fuck this person.

SPEAKER_04 2:52

This sounds like more in play though.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Yes, and this is where it gets actually a little bit more complicated, right? It's pretty easy to, oh, we go on a date, okay. Now do we go back to their apartment or not? And let's check in with each other and see if that's okay, if we're both on the same page about going back to the hotel with this couple. You know, that's that's a little easier. This is we're in the middle of a playroom, or we're in the middle of a you know, hotel room or a bedroom, uh, and we're engaging in sex, and how do I know during all of that that my partner is okay?

SPEAKER_04 3:21

Like, and how do you communicate it when you're not okay?

SPEAKER_01 3:23

You are not okay.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

So we do not use code words or anything like that. Now, listen, we're not here to judge anybody. Um, but if somebody started yelling jelly bean in the middle of a play area, like it's obvious, you know, like what that is if if if somebody starts doing that. So I I've always kind of been like, we are all I'm 42 years old. I am a grown-up. We're all there for sex, we are all there with our partner, is our number one. And I personally have zero issues if a couple says, Hey, we need a minute, or if I personally need a minute. If I'm if I feel like I need dad, I'm just gonna say that. And I don't really care if it stops play or interrupts. I mean, like, does that make sense? Like, it's my priority is making sure that my um mental health. That's a priority. If it stops it, it fucking stops it, you know. Um, but do I try to do it discreetly? Yes. Um, I've said, hey, I need you. You know, I've said, um, can you come, I need, can you come fuck me for a minute? Or, you know, and sometimes I just really want to fuck him in the middle of it, you know. But sometimes I actually just need him. And I've been known to be like, hey, while he's fucking me, like, hey, I'm I'm I'm not real. This is not my jam. Can we wrap this up? You know, and so typically that's kind of how I I personally do it. Um, but I will say, as I've gotten more like deeper into this lifestyle, as I've gotten more confident in myself, more confident in what I bring to the table, the more I feel like as at this point in my life, I'm responsible for my that there's more to that. But like I am ultimately like responsible for myself, right? If I'm not happy, I need to tell somebody. If this is not comfortable, I need to tell somebody. If this person is not vibing with me, I need to tell somebody. If Dan's giving someone else too much attention, I need to tell somebody. Like it is my responsibility to take care of what's going in in my. I don't expect Dan to just like be over there dicking down someone, but also knowing what's going on in my mind. Like in the beginning, I think I wanted you to do those things. I think you I wanted you to be like having the time of your life, but also watching me and and reading my body language. I think now I've kind of gotten to where I'm like, this is I'm in charge of my own destiny right here. And if it's not vibing, if this ain't working, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be like, okay, let's, I'm just, you know what, I'm gonna take a break. I'm gonna take a break. I'm gonna play with my wand and y'all keep going. I'm gonna, or I'm gonna go get some water or whatever. Or if and and sometimes I don't need you. You know, like sometimes I don't need you to save me in those situations. Sometimes I'll just start putting my clothes on, and then hopefully you catch the vibe. You know what I mean? Um, but I I definitely feel like as I've evolved in the lifestyle, I've come become much more confident in my own self and taking care of my own self in these situations.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Yeah, and I I agree. I I think my answer to this would be okay, if it's a somebody just did something to my body that I'm not okay with, I think it at that point you need to just say speak, right? That you you need to cause a scene at that point, right? In that and it's okay. If it's uh this guy's dick can't get hard and he's you know, and I've been sucking it for 20 minutes, or if it's uh, you know, uh this guy's all sweaty and gross and he's all over me and I just don't like this, you know, like if it's something like that, then I think the hey, let me go get a drink of water, hey, let me go pee, hey, you know, I need a break, you know, my pussy's sore, whatever the fucking thing is, you take a little break, and then what you're usually pretty good at is you'll go take a break and then you'll come right back to me, right? So it doesn't matter if I'm dicking down a girl, if a girl's riding to me on top, you'll come to me and you'll whisper in my ear, or you'll say, Hey, I need you for a second, or hey, can we talk, or whatever the thing, and then we'll assess from there. Yeah. Now I will say, like you saying early on, I think you did have this expectation that I should always know if you're okay and if you're feeling it, or if you're not feeling it, and I should just read your mind and know. And I think you've gotten much, much better at not expecting that.

SPEAKER_04 7:37

I think I've gotten more confidence in my own abilities to like manage the situation, also manage my own experience, you know.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

But then I think secondly though, when especially when we're in group playrooms or in in in in what I would call unsecured areas, right? I feel like me and you are much more wild and carefree in a hotel room with closed doors than we are in a playroom, right? Yeah, at least I am, right? Because in a playroom, in a closed doors, then with just our friends, I know no random stranger is gonna come up and grab your ass. I know, you know what I mean? So it's I can kind of let my guard down a little bit more. Uh but always in a playroom, and this is probably why a lot of couples don't like I I still love playrooms, but I can see why a lot of couples, even a lot of men, don't like that, is because you are always keeping one eye kind of on what's going on and not a hundred percent focused on the thing that you're doing.

SPEAKER_04 8:32

Well, but also like on the flip side, women are also doing that, you know, like for ourselves, but like we also do that every day of every yeah, like every parking lot, yeah. Every parking lot that we walk through. Yeah, so I you know, so I think you're just gonna have to like have a conversation. Now, Dan and I've been doing this for a lot. So I don't expect if this is your first night swinging to have the same experience that we just described, you know. Do I think that there are ways to kind of you know check in? Yes, you know, maybe if you like finding your way back to each other every so often, you know, like don't put a time limit on it, but like don't go and fuck somebody and not pay me a Dini attention the whole night. Like just kind of like little baby check-ins, you know?

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Yeah, you should. I think that's smart.

SPEAKER_04 9:17

Like if you Especially in the beginning, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:19

If you're in an orgy situation and you're fucking one person and then you kind of you naturally then take a break in between, right? When for guys, it's like you go change your condom and rinse your dick off, and then you kind of come back. Well, that's the time to check in with your partner, right? So same for women. If you fuck a guy, you know, he, you know, you guys have a couple of you know, five, ten, twenty minutes together, then you take a little break. Before you go find a new different guy that's not your partner, go find your partner and make sure they're okay before you move on.

SPEAKER_04 9:44

Yeah, I just recommend like maybe like rubbing their back, saying, you know, I don't know. I I personally don't like the whole code word where you're just you know, because honestly, if somebody's not okay or needs to talk to their partner, I in any play session that I'm in, I have no issues with them saying, Hey babe, can I pull you to the court? And like, and so something doesn't have to be bad.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

You know, it could be like, you know, it could be like I'm there are several couples in our group that are like the known to go have a meeting in the middle of an offer.

SPEAKER_04 10:17

We could we have one friend's that they always have meetings. So anytime we catch them talking to each other, we're like, Are y'all in a meeting? Like, I think that should be encouraged. I don't think that should be a negative thing in the lifestyle. I think that we should encourage couples to talk and communicate and check in with each other, and it should not be looked down upon. So I think you just find something that works for you. I I it makes me think of a story of a couple that we know. We got a minute if you want. Yeah. So she said that one time her husband was just like going to town with this girl, and then she was fucking the husband, and it was terrible. And she kept like trying to get, you know, like his attention. She's like nudging him, you know, and like trying to get his attention and stuff. And he just kept like he was just focused. He was laser-dy, and he was not. She said at one point she was writing help on his. I mean, like, she wasn't in danger, she just was over it, not not feeling it. She wasn't enthusiastic anymore. Instead of saying, Hey, I can I can I get a minute, you know, she was writing help on her husband's left. So so you are correct when you say that having a plan, talking about it is definitely the way to go. But also not remembering that we are all adults and we can just say, Hey, can we talk for a sec? Are you okay? Just checking in.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

SPEAKER_04 11:39

I think it's actually really sweet when I hear a husband walk up and be like, Hey, babe, just checking in. You good? We good?

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:45

Yeah, I think that's really sweet.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

And I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with like pinching your partner or something. If you need to get their attention, if you you know, give them a little pinch or a little, you know, pull or a little, you know, whatever you want to, you know, something like that.

SPEAKER_04 11:56

See, I just I can I kind of disagree.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Why?

SPEAKER_04 11:59

I don't know. Just be like, hey, I don't know. I'm gonna get myself out of the situation first, and then I'm gonna come up to you.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

No, I I a hundred percent agree.

SPEAKER_04 12:06

And then I'm gonna come up to you and be like and I think that is what you need to do.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

I think if you're in an uncomfortable situation, you should try to get yourself out of that situation. Now, if you're just done and over it, and you're if you're just trying to get your partner's attention and maybe it's nothing bad is happening. I a little pinch, a little poke, a little something. I think it's okay.

SPEAKER_04 12:23

Like you said- I can say, I can tell you from experience, I have pinched and poked you, and you have been completely oblivious. Yeah, and then after you're like, Why were you pinching me? Like, to get your fucking attention, you know. I don't really think it's effective. Yeah, if you want my honest opinion.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

No, I I can see that too.

SPEAKER_04 12:38

Yeah, I think you just say, Hey, will you come fuck me for a minute?

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Yeah. Or I'm gonna take or take a little break and then come back and be like, hey, you've done things like you'll come back from the bathroom and you'll be like, I really need you to fuck me. Like, I really need your grain. And sometimes it's genuine.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

But say sometimes I genuinely like all the time.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

But I think that's why that method works so well, right?

SPEAKER_04 12:57

Because sometimes I really do need to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I really need water, sometimes I really need right, sometimes I really just need you to fuck me because sometimes you really just want your wand. Sometimes you you know the best way to make me come, and sometimes I need that, right? And there's nothing wrong with that.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

Well, I think that's why those methods work the best, especially if you're trying to be discreet, because all of those things happen every orgy and it's completely normal too. So just because you ask, if a guy's fucking you, you just say, Oh, hey, I need to take a break or I need to go get a drink of water or something real quick, yeah, that could mean I don't like what you're doing, or that could just genuinely mean yeah, I need some water because this is a marathon, you know.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

Like I but I also am one of those girls that like if I come really good, I'm I need a I need a five-minute break. Right. So that's it's not uncommon for me to say, okay, I need a break.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

Right. You needing a break might be you're doing a really good job and my clit needs a break, or it might be I'm not really into this.

SPEAKER_04 13:48

Yeah, for sure.

unknown 13:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

All right. So I hope that answers that question. If you have a Tuesday talk question, we would love to hear from you. A few different ways you can get a hold of us. You can email us at theswing nation at gmail.com. Uh, you can also send audio or video files via email there, uh, as well as you can call or text, and that phone number is 972-302-7716. One more time.

SPEAKER_04 14:16

972-302-7716.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Uh, yeah, and you can text us there. You can uh also send audio files or video files via text. Lacey checks the phone pretty much daily now.

SPEAKER_04 14:29

Yeah, I even put a cute case on it if you watch me.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

It's got a little bit of black for years, and I was like, uh uh.

SPEAKER_04 14:36

If I'm carrying this phone, it's gonna be girly.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Girly and bougie looking now. It's very on brand for Lacey. I wouldn't know which one was which, but I guess I guess one is white and one's kind of pink gold.

SPEAKER_03 14:46

So yeah, they're actually both kind of white. Yeah, they look very similar. This is the sweeter setting phone.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Okay, all right. So she's got it, she carries it around all the time now. So uh reach out, send us your questions. We'd love to hear we can you said we need some phone calls, right?

SPEAKER_04 15:00

Yeah, we need voicemails.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:02

If you're comfortable.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

Yeah, so call in, ask your question. If you've called in, you know, it's been a while, uh, call back. Yeah. Uh we we would love to hear from you. Yes. All right, anything else for the Swing Nation listeners, Lacey.

SPEAKER_04 15:14

I think that's it.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

All right, guys. I think with that, in a world full of apples, be the pineapple. Be the pineapple, guys. Bye. Bye. If you've enjoyed our podcast and want to support us, leave a five-star review wherever you're listening. If you want to see more of our content, you can find links to Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, OnlyFans, and more in the show notes. Come join the conversation with us and other Twitter content creators on our Twinger Society Discord server. If you have questions or feedback, email them to us at thustwination at gmail.com. Make sure you head on over to thustwingnation.net and keep up to date on all things TwingNation. We thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time. Goodbye.